[ANCIENTWILLIAM]

A rich businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

"Welcome to the family," said the man. "I'm so happy, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business.
All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted. "Oh, um, I actually hate factories. Can't stand the noise."

The father-in-law said, "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work, too" said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organisation,
but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."



- I like that thinking

[HSD]

Another one for you.......



Jerry received a parrot for his birthday.
The parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least very rude.
Jerry tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got angrier and became even more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation. Jerry put the parrot in the FREEZER.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was a quiet-----
-Not a sound for half a minute. Jerry was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The Parrot calmly stepped out onto Jerry's extended arm and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."
Jerry was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made the difference and caused such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did???"

[ANCIENTWILLIAM]

Whats that saying about oldies are goodies

[starfish]

One sunny day in ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some guinness, when one turns to the other and says "you see that man over there? he looks just like me! i think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." so, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "excuse me sir," he starts, "but i noticed you look just like me!" the second man turns around and says "yeah, i noticed the same thing, where you from?", "i'm from dublin", second man stunned says, "me too! what street do you live on?", "mccarthy street", second man replies, "me too! what number is it?", the first man announces, "162", second man shocked says, "me too! what are your parents names?", first man replies, "connor and shannon", second man awestruck says, "mine too! this is unbelievable!"

so, they buy some more guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. the new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "what's new today?" "oh, the murphy twins are drunk again."

[ILee]

Yeah it's that time of the week again, So here goes.

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He didn't have much luck until, one day; he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in."

"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes.

Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough; I'll do the bloody dishes!"

[mojo]

haha. love that one too!

[ANCIENTWILLIAM]

Heard another version but bloody funny none the less

[keona w]

slightly rude......



Colin and nigel,two very gay men are strolling through London zoo.They come across a massive 8ft silver back gorilla.Colin,being rather forward straight away blurts out...
"oooh,Nigel look at the size of its thingy,ive never seen one like that"
Nigel is a little embarressed and tries to lead Colin away.
"NO,Ive never had anything like that in my hand before,ive got to touch it"shouts Colin,and with that he leans through the bars and strokes the gorillas impressive bits.Well....the gorilla looks for a while then leaps forward and pulls Colin through the bars.It drags him to its bamboo like hut and proceeds to have the roughest anal sex imaginable ,with poor Colin taking a severe pounding.Three hours of this go by before the zoo keepers can tranquilise the gorilla.Colin is taken to hospital unconsious.After a number of days in hospital,semi conscious,Colin awakes,he looks around,thinks for a while and then starts to sob uncontrollably.
"ooh love whats the matter?" asks nigel "Does it hurt??"
To which Colin replys..
"Of course it hurts....its been three days and no word from the brute....no phone calls....no letters ....."


Again ,ill get me coat

[ILee]

Originally Posted by keona w

slightly rude......



Colin and nigel,two very gay men are strolling through London zoo.

I didn't know you could get very gay men? Do they come in various gayness, from slightly to raving bandits??

[starfish]

Originally Posted by ILee

I didn't know you could get very gay men? Do they come in various gayness, from slightly to raving bandits??

of course it does!! there's a gay scale every bloke has a little bit of gayness in them

[keona w]

Originally Posted by starfish

of course it does!! there's a gay scale every bloke has a little bit of gayness in them

theres nobody getting in me

[starfish]

Originally Posted by keona w

theres nobody getting in me

mojo gets around you know

[mojo]

and dont forget it keona!

variety is the spice of life (and all that)

[keona w]

Originally Posted by mojo

and dont forget it keona!
variety is the spice of life (and all that)

Bugger your variety(no pun intended) ,us yorkshire folk want nowt to do with your fancy lardy dah southern ideas.We want reet proper women im telling thee........I want nowt t do wi your George Michael types.Dame Thora will be turning in her grave.



OOOH ,Proper Yorkshire lasses

[mojo]

.......







says the hairdresser